I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
