How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she smelled like a LAN party
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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