My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
