So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
