a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
