The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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