peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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