The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
