The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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