I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
