so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
