your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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