I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
