Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
