I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
