So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
