My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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