in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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