Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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