Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
