Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
