OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize