I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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