You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize