saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
