guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
