The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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