tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
