I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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