A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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