WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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