I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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