Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize