Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
