the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
