Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
