i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
