i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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