I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
