I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The uberlube is also flammable
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
