So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
