ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
