So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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