I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize