i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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