Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
