the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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