I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
