Tell her she can't have a vagina
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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