dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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