I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
