My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
