I got chris browned last night
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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