I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
