So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
