I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
