Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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