we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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