The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Someone came in the potted fern
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
