When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
