bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
