My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
