I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
