So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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