I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
