Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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