What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
