dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
