i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
