he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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