im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
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