you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
