We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
