i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
