my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
