I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
