nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
