My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You're like the curious george of whores
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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