why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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