He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
