It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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