Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
