and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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