peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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