I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
