Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
