I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
