I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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