My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
