Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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