Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
