If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
