we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
