Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
