Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
