My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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