he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
