You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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