Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
