i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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