our cab driver is having phone sex.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
