But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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