Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
