it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
now i know why i became what i already was.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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