I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
