I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize