The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
