only you would photoshop your dick
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
not ubering you a puppy
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
